More like, my Endocrinologist made me cry. And here’s the thing, I hate to cry. I hate for anyone to see me cry. I mean HATE it. I do not like to feel vulnerable, and being tough is one of the only things going for me. I just feel too exposed when I cry, the feeling is so uncomfortable to me. There are times when I just want to cry in front of someone so they can see my pain, comfort me. But the vulnerability holds me back every time. So the fact that my Endo had elicited this response is huge. And the fact that I gave into the feeling in front of him shows the sheer sadness and desperation I was feeling.
So here’s how the tears came about, A few Wednesdays ago I was preparing for my follow up appointment. You know, how you do. I just had recent blood work done, and I was excited about the possibility of finally getting better. I even had a book with me entitled ” Stop The Thyroid Madness.” ( a very informative and educational read by the by ) I highlighted a page that I thought would be particularly helpful. All I needed was my Endo- we’ll call him Dr. Donkey’s Behind- to agree it was time to increase my thyroid medicine.
And he says ” No.”
And I say ” Why not?”
” Because nothing is wrong with your thyroid.” Says Dr. Donkey’s behind.
” Oh, I see. You originally thought I was having thyroid problems, which is why you prescribed me medicine in the first place. Than you review biopsy results from a large nodule on my thyroid gland. This is not suspicious to you? This does not indicate something wrong in the thyroid department? ” I am a bit dumbfounded at this point. I mean, I am sure anyone reading this with no medical background would be siding with me here. Little tiny growths all over my thyroid gland (nodules) plus off enough hormones to initially cause a prescription. A quote from my dad fits perfectly here. ” Where did he get his license, a cracker jack box?” Get it? Back in the day, special prizes could be found in your cracker jack box. Incidentally, my dad has other cracker jack sayings that I have heard many times. If anyone is the house looks upset, I hear this: ” What’s wrong? Someone steal the prize out of your cracker jack box?” But I digress….
Dr. Donkey’s Behind responds with “No this is not suspicious, nothing is wrong. You only have mild thyroid failure. I will be more than happy to give your records over to another doctor. As always, nice to see you. ”
” But don’t I have Hashimoto’s?”
” No, that diagnosis is now off the table.” Jerk.
It is at this point, my hope, yet again, plummets to my toes and splashes on the floor like a new puddle. One that I will no doubt slip on as I walk out. Because I am nothing if not graceful. Anyway, I did not even sleep well the night before, so the likelihood of me keeping me defeat in check was almost impossible. So I cried. Then I realized I was crying and was so mortified, I broke down.Like a baby.
All of the frustration of trying to feel better just tore me up inside.
Could this man really not see it? Couldn’t he tell he was breaking my heart here? And he could have even avoided that. Listen, I saw my test results. They indicate thyroid problems. And I even need glasses.
Dr. Donkey’s Behind couldn’t have gotten out of that room any faster. Which is obviously rude.This is a rule everyone should know: If someone has the decency to cry in front of you, you should have the decency to comfort the said crier. It’s only fair.
I am sure if he tried to not make me feel like a loser, I would not be feeling like one right now.
Lesson learned? Some doctors are stupid. And some doctors are jerks. But endocrinologist have the propensity to be both. And they usually are. I have since learned that some of the best thyroid doctors are actually not Endos.
So this is yet again another bump on my road to wellness. I do thank Dr. Donkey’s Behind for getting me this far, and initially finding a thyroid problem. At least I know what is the main culprit. Now I just need to find a better doctor to finish the job, Here’s to hoping that happens sooner rather than later!
Stay healthy- Nicole 🙂