Hello there. Let me introduce myself. First off, I doubt anyone will read this. But that is okay, as I am just trying to create a space for me to get all of my sadness and frustrations out. I think my family will agree that this is a good idea, as I’m sure their ears need a rest. So I guess I will continue introducing myself, to myself. Not weird at all.
I feel like a bird on a branch. More specifically, a baby bird. Or maybe just an injured bird. I can see all of the beauty life has to offer from my perch. I just can’t swoop down and chirp it up. It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m incapable at the moment.
” I ain’t got wings.”
See, when I was 17 I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I also battled mono more than once. Great fun that was. And now I am starting to learn that my CFS diagnosis was just a cover up for thyroid problems. I’ve got some great doctors helping me, as you can tell. Not. But I digress….
So I am on my way to figuring this mess out. On my own, and with too many failed attempts. But in the mean time, I’m exhausted. Not just tired from a hard days work. Not just pooped and sitting on the couch. I am utterly and completely wracked with so much fatigue that I can’t even shower without needing a nap. Waking up is a daily fight. One that when I win, I still lose. Each step makes my heart pound. I feel lifeless. And it breaks my heart.
So now I must sit on my perch and watch the beautiful world go by.
I am hoping that this writing becomes therapeutic. A way for me to fight what ails me.
One day I hope I get those wings.